Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
