Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
