everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
