Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
