I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
