i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
