so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
