escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize