We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We're too hungover to prance.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
