I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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