Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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