Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
