i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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