Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
