you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
