My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
