Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize