Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
NoShamevember. You game?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
