ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
