My hand turned me down
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
