My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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