i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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