As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
