call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
