WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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