Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
