He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
