then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just had sex on a roof
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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