I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
