the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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