dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize