When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
