Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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