I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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