You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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