is your mom at the bar?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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