Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dick very happy bro
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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