I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
