Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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