Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize