I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize