sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
