Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
