Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
They took my balls.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize