last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
