Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
