JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
