i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
