i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize