at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
