4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
