I can tuck mytits in my pants
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
