so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
