So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
