How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
