i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize