what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
