its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
