Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
