i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
