Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize