In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
