He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
