i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
