I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize